Tuesday, August 10, 2010

To space or beyond

Mankind must abandon earth or face extinction!

LONDON—Mankind's only chance of long-term survival lies in colonizing space, as humans drain Earth of resources and face a terrifying array of new threats, warned British scientist Stephen Hawking on Monday…

"Our population and our use of the finite resources of planet Earth are growing exponentially, along with our technical ability to change the environment for good or ill."…

If we want to survive beyond the next century, "our future is in space," added the scientist.

"That is why I'm in favor of manned, or should I say 'personed', space flight."…
Shiver me timbers! The stuff of Michael Crichton sci-fi novels now approaches reality. Only this time, the doomsday scenario is predicted by a real McCoy – renowned British scientist Stephen Hawking who predicts the dire future even while not forgetting to be politically correct: ‘personed’ space flight. At least we’re sure it won’t be a monkey piloting the spacecraft of the future, but who knows? At the rate the secular world has been redefining the biological and fundamental norms of society, we really can’t be sure what a ‘person’ would mean in the future, can we.

At any rate, we are given one century to conquer space because we are steadily burning out ourselves and the earth! The ‘terrifying array of threats’ will slowly but surely snuff life as we know it on earth. In the next few decades, the population will continue to grow but will peak out by the year 2100. This development will finally make the doomsday Malthusians happy (yes, they’re still around) , but big companies like Toys-R-Us would be wiped out of the economy. So will an entire gamut of industries catering to kids like Infant formula, disposable diapers, McDonalds Kiddie meals, and the like. No wonder because at this time, there are almost no kids around, and the average worldwide age would be at about 45 years of age. Meanwhile, the world-wide shortage of goods starts to makes its presence felt, starting with the scarcity of commodities like adult diapers, rheumatism medication, hearing aids, and false teeth adhesives. From its peak in 2100, the world population now starts at a rapid decline, owing further to science’s utter failure to discover how to make same-sex unions (hugely popular at this time) produce natural offspring. Like Hawkins predicted, mankind (or is it personkind?) will at this time find the limits of its technical ability to change the environment (along with changing the nature of humans, of course). Meanwhile, Singapore is still at it. The country is now offering 10 billion dollars to its citizens for every child they bring into the world. It is probably a tad late anyway, because Singapore at this time will have a country population of exactly 1,003 people – 90% of whom are senior citizens.

But wait. At this time, a heretofore small and insignificant country in the Far East, the Philippines, has emerged as the new world super-power! While the rest of the world has been grappling with its myriad problems, the Philippines has quickly made giant strides in super-technology, while maintaining its population at a healthy, replacement level. Its emergence as a world power can be traced to its bucking the trend of disastrous ‘postmodernism’ with the heroic efforts of an innovative, value-oriented, and incorruptible administration starting in the year 2010. Unlike the rest of the world, this country has shunned contraceptive mentality and concentrated in tapping the productivity of its best resource – its people. Also in large part due to the migration of Filipinos around the world, key leadership positions were cornered by the best and brightest Filipinos in their various countries of residencies. The best scientists of the world, now young Filipinos, were able to solve the fuel and food problems of the whole world! Thanks to the ingenuity of these scientists, one grain of palay can now grow into 100 sacks of rice. A single super-solar cell can now light the whole of Metro Manila. Global warming has finally been conquered. It is now the year 2110, and there is no more need to conquer outer space!!! Stephen Hawking was right about the problems of the world, but he grossly underestimated the resilience and ingenuity of these hardy people from a small country in the Far East.

Meanwhile in local politics, Congressman Lagman XXVI, Jr., has refiled the controversial RH-bill on the very first day of the opening of the 214th session of Congress, year 2110. Reminded that this is the RH bill's 204th try for legislative approval, Lagman XXVI, Jr, replied: "We'll have it passed this time around. We have the numbers. If not, we will have it passed on the moon".

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